Sector 9. Confidential. (Uriel)

[Uriel Camael Mikhail]

And now I stand here, pen in hand, hazel eyes on this parchment.

I never do this, I rarely do. Partially cause I never needed to. I always kept to myself, thinking these memories, these emotion, my history is just a sea, a sea which contains the vilest of all things. It's so bloody....filled with sin, regret and longing. Longing for something I quite do not fully understand, yet feel so familiar with. Among the bloody chaotic storms that stirred in the Corrupted Sea I call my life., there is a shimmering hope. A boat, a beautiful one at that. Made from the finest wood I can imagine. It's sails were at full speed, and it was trying to do the impossible; conquer the deadly sea in me. And it doesn't know the harsh winds; as hot as fire, and the tides of desolation which roam the sea. But it's managing; and instead of avoiding them; the monstrous storms; she gladly charges at it. Facing everything the sea throws at her; a beauty she is. A ship made for war.

And the best thing about her; she doesn't look for land. To anchor her in. To avoid her from getting completely decimated by my sea's storms. Instead; she fully faces my sea's wrath. All of it. From the thunders of bitterness, to the harsh waves and tides of self-abhorrence . The ship pushes pass all of them and it is because; Well...I can't fully answer.. Even if it's completely black, devoid of all life and love. She still embraces the sea's wrath for some absurd reason. And the great mighty ship is succeeding, breaking every barrier the sea throws at her; and she doesn't have a scratch. The great naval automation's name; or to use a less mind-enclosing term; the ship's name, is none other than

Anabelle.

The S.S Anabelle. The only woman I cared for was trying to conquer my diabolic life. Will she succeed? I hoped. The longing I had would be filled finally. And it would inspire such great things. Perhaps it would resurrect my long lost dead soul from it's fiery grave in hell.Rising it from it''s sleep. For years and years of captivity.

But there was a problem.

In the center of the sea I had; there is that dark, dark maelstrom. Filled with my hate, my suffering. And it sucked everything in. It was the most dangerous part of my sea- it was filled with all of my hidden things; the maelstrom at the center. It's my heart. My dark, black heart. Would she be sucked in? Probably. But knowing the ship Anabelle, she'll want to conquer my heart. And by the gods is she succeeding; that beautiful ship, that beautiful woman....I want her to be mine. Only mine.

And for some reason, I'm hers.

[Uriel Camael Mikhail]

Mkay, I thought my last entry would be the last. I didn't think I'd have enough time to even pick up a pen, and write about my feelings. I'm not like that. I usually took out my frustrations on other campers, and I'd rather sit on my throne of skulls while stepping on two heads rather than be all poetic about the bullcrap I'm experiencing in my life. But this time....I just think I'm compelled to do this. I mean, if I gave Belle some pseudo deep poetic thing, why can't I give the most beautiful girl at camp her own excerpt? And no, she didn't coerce me into making her one. Besides, she's my Tigress.

I won't go poetic on her. Because simply, words cannot describe what I feel for her. Okay, I know it maybe sudden. Specially after I called Anabelle a ship. Weird I know. But that was in the past, turns out she got eaten by the whirlpool. For the good of her, of course. Wanna know why? Well. You see. As I said in the previous journal entries I gave. My life is the deadliest sea in the world. It's filled with strong currents of self abhorrence, and the waves of hatred. I'm broken. That's what I am. And it would be stupidity for any ship to sail in me. Anabelle did. And she paid the price. I only hope that she won't break herself in the fall..

Enough of her, I just pushed her down myself. I didn't rely on the currents. I materialized and burnt her ship down. Why? because...well...It's really complicated. i was perfectly contented.I took a shot of Vodka...many shots. Okay, I tried to drink the whole bottle. And suddenly, I found myself in front of the most stunning girl, no actually... the most stunning woman in camp. Instead of sailing through me, she decided not to conquer me, not to face my inner demons. She just decided to take me in her arms, along with my demons. And...she understood, everything that I am. She's quite the woman, I must say so myself. Not the one I'd think I'll even end up with. Hades, I even shot at her. I don't know...maybe my subconscious was actually telling me to shoot her future beau. Maybe I liked her even then? it was an idea he'd gladly consider. Bu that was the past.

When I saw her, even when I was intoxicated, I could smell her. She smelled like the best perfume he ever smelled, and roses. I couldn't even process it.Iliked her the moment she told me she'd cut me. I wanted to kiss her right there. Make her mine. But of course, the guilt was there. Plus, she'd never like me, right? I was the Devil. The Tyranny of evil men. I was the bane of everyone. But..for some reason, she didn't mind. She didn't mind that I was practically The Most Dangerous man on this world. She liked me actually.We shared our moments, she rode my back when w flew by Pegasi, I wrestled her to the pool. I even hugged her and called her what she is, beautiful. Those locks of her hair, those eyes. She was, at that moment; my princess. My guiding light.

She is a luscious garden of beauty. My guide through the storms. She told me she liked me. And I like her too. I just hope that she won't abandon me. That she'd stay by my side. That she won't look for a knight in shining armor. Because he wasn't a knight in shining armor. he was a mercenary. One that killed for money and got rich by doing so. He needed someone to care for him as much as he hates himself. Someone to care for.

Besides, a Knight in Shining armor is someone who never had his metal truly tested.

And yes, I'm opening my journal, Lana. Read it. I just want you to know that I'll be here, for you. Even if you decide to leave me because you realized how much better you can get, I'll still be here. ready to listen to you. I'll never leave your side, unless you want me to, of course.


Much love,

Your Comrade.

[Uriel Camael Mikhail]

I don't know.

That's what I've been mostly saying these past days, weeks, I don't even know when I started saying those ludicrous words. The fact that i didn't know sent pain across my entire being.

I remember what I used to be. Enraged, stubborn, burning, youthful, and wolf-blooded. I knew what I wanted. I was kissed by fire. I was burning with passion. It brought me joy to reminisce who I was. Even if I thought of myself as nothing but a Devil. At least I had something to keep me burning. But now...the flame in me was extinguished. I am a shell of my former shell. I don't even know what I am. My youth has been long gone, whatever beauty I may or may not have had is now long gone. My wolf blood spilled on the ground,and now I am a corpse. A breathing corpse, yet untouched by the decomposers. And worst of all, I used to know. Now I don't. I keep saying those aforementioned words.And I dare not say them once more in ink. They haunted me, reminded me of who I was, and my lack of appreciation of what I was. Of Tal, of Lana, Of Belle, of Cami, of everyone I knew. Is this your way of punishing me, Athena? For being a greedy bastard? For being discontented?

Damn this curse! it creeps along my skin, hisses like a serpent attached to my wrist. It whispers evil thoughts to my ears, and slowly poison m, till I'm nothing but ash. Let this curse be my burden for the eternity. Let my suffering prolong, let my sins be my wroth. Let the night take me. The ink on my pen slowly dwindles, and yet, I'm still oblivious on what to do next. Who should I talk to? What should I attempt? Should I apologize?

I don't know.