To You I Will Always Be Imperfect [Tal/Cinder]

[Cinder Maebell Lynn]

because of you, I find it hard to trust

[/i]

Cinder Lynn stood in the middle of her old house back in New York. She was nine years old again. The house was fresh and clean. The green sofa was in the corner. The wide, black television was on the stand in front of it. There was the large oak table to the right of the sofa and television, it was freshly set. She noticed how the napkins where folded and sitting on the wrong side. That meant that she had set the table. Her dad had always made her set that table in all six places even though it was only him and her eating. Then, after every meal he would make her take everything off the table and put it back. To this, she had protested. Inwardly, of course. She never argued with her dad, no matter how much she wanted too.

''Cinder,'' a voice said, making the small girl head snap around. ''Come sit with me.'' Her dad said from the sofa. She smiled and walked towards him. It was rare that he did anything with her. Usually, he stayed up in his room doing gosh knows what. He never seemed to be happy enough with her to want to do anything. This, of course, made Cinder inwardly upset and made her get to the verge of tears when she saw her friends dads' pick them up and tell them they're beautiful, or ruffle their hair when they did a good job.

At only nine years old, Cinder Lynn had a huge load on her shoulders.

She sat down next to him, and without asking, put her head against her fathers chest. Much to her pleasure, he didn't protest. This was only the second time he had willingly let her. The television flickered to another channel as Cinder's dad pressed the button. He couldn't seem to decide on a show, but the little girl was too busy enjoying the moment, so she really wasn't paying much attention. This, she thought, is my new favorite memory. Cinder smiled at herself, and her thoughts drifted towards the only other time this had happened. But that had ended in disaster, so she shut away the thoughts altogether.

As soon as she did, she found her father looking at her, studying her features. ''Yes?'' She asked, hoping it wasn't about a flaw in her looks. ''You are beautiful.'' He said. This made a wide smile creep across Cinder's features. She couldn't surpress it. ''Thank you, daddy.'' The daughter of Iris said, for once, pleased with herself. ''But,'' of course the happiness had to end. ''You are starting to get acne, little one. And you need to start brushing your hair more carefully.''

This made Cinder's heart drop. Finally, she feels content with herself, and it's all ruined by a lousy comment. It made her want to cry. But, of course, that would be another thing to scold. She sat up and straightened her back so she was no longer touching him. ''I'm going to take a shower.'' She said, then got up and walked across the house, letting a tear slip down her cheek as soon as he couldn't see her face. Her favorite memory was officially ruined.


* * * * *


The sixteen year old Cinder's eyes snapped open. That dream again... it was her least favorite memory. She felt something hot slide down her cheek and she realized that she was crying. For once, she didn't want to get the day started early. She just wanted to lay in bed and cry about her terrible past. This wasn't the first time she had that dream. It was the first time she got all mopey about it, though. Usually she just brushed it off and kept going. But this time she was fed up. All she wanted to do was stay there, never to get up again. But she couldn't, she was giving Tal Winchell drawing lessons today.

Even though today she actually had a schedual (usually she just roamed around the camp since they had let classes out because to many where sick), she stayed in bed for an extra gosh knows long. A line from one of her favorite book series rang in her ears. 'When people show up in your dreams, it not because they want something from you, it's because YOU want something from them.' Cinder, honestly, thought that applied to her at the moment.

She needed to know her father thought she was beautiful, as all girls did. Not having a dad can screw you up in more ways then you think. She thought she had the dream so much because it had been the only time she had felt sure she was loved (even though it had only been for a second) so her mind was repeating it, trying to make up for all the other times she wasn't sure she was loved. It was a repetitive process that, honestly, Cinder wanted to shut down. Only because she knew it could never, ever make up for the unloved feelings.

After a few more minutes of crying and trying to wipe away the pain, she got up, not letting her siblings see her. She grabbed her makeup and walked to the bathroom. Even though she had stayed in bed for an extra while, she was still up before most of her siblings. She cast a look around and saw the brother of her romantic interest, Regan, still sleeping. Along with Maxine, the daughter of Nike that, honestly, scared her. A quick sweep revealed that only a few of her friends where up. None of which she was close enough to that she could vent to them. Awkwardly worded sentince was awkwardly worded.

Sighing, she walked into the bathroom. Cinder's face was still wet with tears, and because of this, she wiped them with a towel, washed her face, then dried it off again. She did this several more times, until her eyes where no longer bloodshot. She put on her acne medicine, cleaned her face and all to find -- to her huge pleasure -- that she only had two zits. Since she usually had tons and tons all over her face, she found this a huge improvment. ACNE MEDICINE FTW!

Seeing her mostly-clean face, Cinder only applied a bit of concealer, some gold shimmer powder, and limmited eddition lipgloss to make her face seem naturally beautiful. Even she had to admit that it felt weird not having to put so much makup on. But she didn't really mind feeling strange, at the moment, because it gave her something to focus on besides her dream. It didn't work, though. She still felt lazy and unfocused while she pinned her hair up. It didn't look that great. It looked casual and... comfterble, somehow. Usually, she would have redone it, but today was different. She sprayed it with hairspray, packed up her makeup bag and walked out of the bathroom.

She went to the trunk at the end of her bed and pulled out her simple green blouse, ripped jeans (ripped from training, not pre-ripped) and then took a bracelet and heart-shaped earrings out of her jewelry box on her bedside table. They where both gold, of course. She slipped on the green blouse over the camisole she was already wearing, then put on the earrings and bracelet, having to wait for the bathroom so she could put her pants on. When it finally opened, she walked over.

Without a word, Cinder took her her silk nightpants off and put on her skinny jeans. Usually, they where reserved for training, since thats how that got ripped, but not today. Today it was because she wanted to be casual. And that was really, really, really strange, because Cinder Lynn never wants to go casual. So, start of the day: Strange and kind of depressing.

Walking back out to her bed, she messily (which is not like Cinder at all) put her clothes in her trunk, and sprayed herself with her couture perfume. Then she grabbed her drawingpad, notepad (with her lesson plan on it), along with her pencils of all shapes and sizes, and put them in a leather bag that had gold studded along the seams. Not real gold, but it sure looked like it. Slinging it over her shoulder, she walked out of her cabin to go meet Tal by the Big House.

When, she got there, she sat on the steps. Tal wasn't due to be there in... Cinder checked her watch. A half hour. Yes, nine o'clock. It took a while to draw quality drawings, and Cinder didn't want to have to be rushing though the lesson. She wanted to be able to take her time so that Tal might actually learn something. It was difficult to teach when you had to go in a little bit. Cinder knew from experince, as she had taught several people to draw before. She didn't mind helping at all, it was when someone asks for lessons then doesn't pay attention that got on her nerves. I mean, gods, I know half the people at camp have ADHD, but that didn't mean they couldn't learn anything!

In the back of her mind, the hope lingered that Tal had had time to eat breakfast. The Iris girl should have thought of that before hand. Just because she skipped breakfast didn't mean everyone else did, too. Usually, she would have thought of this. But the last few days she had been... off. She wasn't so on-the-ball perfectionist anymore. It kind of worried her... but she still tried.

For the next fifteen minutes, she studied the lesson plan she had made the previous night. She decided to try something new, so she ended up trashing it and writing out a new lesson plan in her notebook. After she was done, she still had a few more minutes, so her thoughts lingered on her dream. She ended up absent mindedly drawing pictures of her dad and her, the way she thought it should be. She drew a doodle of her on her dads shoulders when she was small, and another of him smiling at her and telling her how beautiful she was. All was fiction, of course, but it somehow made her... happy.

not only me but everyone else around me.[/center][/b][/i]

Words: 1721
Notes: 1) Ignore the wordcount. This is really rambly >.> 2) I never realized how depressed Cinder's history was until I wrote this post... 3) Hi.
Tags: Maria/Skye
Muse: Freakin' amazing, and rambly!
Outfit: Clickey!

[Talia Winchell]

Tal inspected herself in her twin Em's spotless light pink vanity. Anyone could still tell that she had gotten next to no sleep the night before. There were darkish circles down under her eyes that made her look like a complete zombie and no amount of concealer could make them go away — it just made her look fake and as though her skin was really mismatched in different places. At least her hair didn't look a complete freak show, though...she had thrown it into a loose, casual, slightly careless side-braid, hoping that Cinder Lynn would overlook how little time she had spent on it.

As for makeup, she had just kept it at clear lip gloss. She didn't feel like running millions of q-tips over her eyelids right now, and judging by how her hands kept slipping due to lack of sleep, she would definitely need to if she attempted to use eyeliner right now. It was already eight-thirty, and she needed to go eat breakfast and then head over to where Cinder had said to meet her — the steps of the Big House. After quickly eating a banana and drinking half a glass of orange juice, Tal strolled over to the steps, where Cinder was sitting, bent over a notebook. Feeling like a stalker, Tal twisted her head in such an angle so that she could see Cinder's work. After all, Cinder was going to try and teach her how to draw like that, wasn't she?

Tal could tell that one of the figures in the doodles was Cinder, always Cinder. The other was an older person, a man. Tal had never seen the man before, at camp or anywhere else, so it was probably personal. She definitely felt like a stalker now...quickly sitting down before she could do something else so stupid, she took a small sketchbook out of the bag she had swiped from Em the day before along with a pencil. "Hey Cinder." She took a breath. Cinder had seemed pretty into her drawings before Tal arrived...they had definitely taken time. "Uh, am I late?" Hopefully Cinder was just early.

Self-consciously rubbing her eyes, Tal contained a yawn and quickly tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear. She wasn't too close to Cinder, and today, she felt especially grubby next to her. Why hadn't she thought to wear something nicer?

[Cinder Maebell Lynn]

because of you, I find it hard to trust

[/i]

"Hey Cinder. Uh, am I late?"

Cinder jumped and slammed her notebook shut. Crap. Had Tal see her drawings? It didn't matter. Cinder had nothing to hide besides her acne, right? Not really. She had a bunch to hide. Cinder scolded herself inwardly for not paying attention. She took a moment to regain her usual cheer and grace, then looked back at Tal. "Hey. And, uh," Cinder checked her watch. Yes, you are. "No, I'm just early." She said. She carfully flipped too the page in her notebook that had a lesson plan, then adjusted herself so that she was somewhat across from Tal. She noticed how carelessly her heair was put together, but ignored it. That and the bags under Tal's eyes that suggested lack of sleep. But Cinder just looked down at her lesson plan. It was understandable, the blight that spread across camp made everyone not really care what they looked like. Cinder suddenly felt sheepish because she had taken so much time to put on makeup. Why could she just not care what she looked like sometimes? Nonetheless, Cinder spoke the first line in the lesson. "Okay, so what we're going to be learning are basic techniques. Outlining and that sort of thing. But first, if it's okay with you, I would like to see some of your drawings so that I can adjust the plan to fit too you?"

She felt kind of awkward asking this, but each plan was fit for each person, and it had to be addjusted justly. Cinder wouldn't be at all sheepish if she had to share a drawing of something--other then the picture of her and her dad, of course--but then again, she's a perfectionist control freak, so it's not like she was, you know, normal. In fact, she had stopped treating people by what she would be comfterble doing, because she saw that she was more out-there then some of her other friends, siblings, cabinmates, ect. Her brain was wired to be... well, to be perfect. And you can't be going around all timid if you wanted to be perfect. Of course, she wasn't perfect. She was a blonde, terrible at fighting and... well, and a wimp. Take this blight thing for example--she was terrified! The fact that a few people where going on a quest, and the fact that the camp could... well, die was terrifying. Cinder just didn't know what to think anymore. Was she supposed to be all brave? But then, how could she? It was hard too put on a brave face, even for Cinder. But she tried. She out on lipstick and mascara and a smile while her inside where shaking.

not only me but everyone else around me.[/center][/b][/i]

Words: 401
Notes: This post is really short compared to what I've been writing, recently.
Tags: Maria/Tal
Muse: Epic-tacular.
Outfit: Clickey!