Post by Amber Craze James on Feb 1, 2013 23:47:04 GMT -5
lights will guide you home ,
Amber rubbed her face, biting back tears. She had been doing this often, for many reasons - her body, her dad, Pandora, her friends that seemed so distant - and she had been getting better at putting up a fake front. She was an actress, and with every step she took, with all the daggers that pierced her, she smiled wider. If she was ever going to kill herself, she would have asked if they saw it coming beforehand. It would have been a giveaway, but she needed to know if her acting was as good as she thought it was. She had so many reasons to cry. But alas, none of them were factoring in why she was biting back tears then.
"I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."
Amber put a hand to her mouth as the screen in front of her displayed Dean crying. She related. O course, she had never been to hell, but it was no surprise that She was empathetic to Dean. And Sam, for that matter. Sedge always to weirdly empathetic to TV shows, and Dean crying set it over the edge. Just for a moment, the beating of her heart seemed to go numb and she let the first trace of a tear drip own her cheek. She liked watching Supernatural because it gave her problems to think about that weren't in reality, and it cold serve as an escape for a while, all giving her things to think about when she was tired and couldn't sleep and didn't want to focus on the train-wreck that her life was.
She shoved aside her buzzing thoughts and focused on the screen, wiping her eyes. It wasn't long before the episode was over, so she decided to watch a completely different season, putting it in to her portable DVD player. She decided on the Seven Deadly Sins episode. She loved it, but she didn't know why; it was depressing and it was the first appearance of the gated Ruby, so she had no idea. Maybe because the Seven Deadly Sins were in her life.
Envy. Oh, yes. She was envious of those people who didn't have crappy lives. People who were skinny or were just pretty. Olivia Raine. Cinder Lynn. And countless others... Pride? Yup. Her acing talent had her bursting with pride, even if it hurt to have to act. Wrath? Yes, she was taking out her wrath from herself being an idiot and killing Pandora, basically; she was mentally smacking herself every day. Gluttony? Up until recently, she had always eaten far too much. Now she was starving herself, which was almost gluttony in itself, but in a different kind. Sloth? Forever. She never wanted to even stand anymore. Part of it was never getting food, but part of it was her depression; it was like this thing sitting on her chest that made it hard to move, so she always stayed in her bed as much as she could. Lust? That was the only one she didn't have, really. And the last one: Greed. Greed was ruining her. No one could touch her stuff because it was hers, she refused to pay so much for this, the stuff in the infirmary was stupid so she wanted new stuff. It was all the same, and it was all her.
The flow of tears stopped as she looked at the screen, not even noticing the rain that forced itself onto the panes of glass that were on the window. She was so absorbed that it didn't even matter. Not even the single tear that slid down her cheek one last time. This time, she didn't know if it was because of her show or her life, because he pr thoughts were so muddled. But that was okay, because the cabin of Apollo was empty.
For now.