Post by Talia Winchell on Jul 23, 2013 9:12:13 GMT -5
She'd done this countless times now. Stared into space, garnered some strange looks from passers by - and this was why this time she was confining herself to her cabin. The rest of her siblings and the unclaimeds were in class; once again, Tal had skipped, and this was not out of the ordinary. Nobody would look twice when they realized that she wasn't attending once again. True, Jamian probably wouldn't trust her alone now, but if she were completely honest, the blond was beyond caring. If he didn't trust her at all, then, well, so be it. She needed to attend to certain things, to put it formally, and she needed to do this alone. And there he was, so different than he had been in life, but as handsome and beautiful as ever. But she knew that it wouldn't last; there was no chance that it could last. Perplexed and disabled by the intensity of her thoughts, Tal could do nothing but lift her hand in a small wave. In response, she got a nod.
Were they fading yet? If not, they would soon enough. She was smart enough to realize that, and by now, she knew that he had too. Their days were numbered, though not in the way that most would think of it as. There had not been recent fights, even disagreements. Love was love as it always was. But the Fates seemed perfectly intent on keeping Talysus Winchell and Lucan Lucchesi as far away from each other as possible. And who knew if they would relent?
"I've got something to tell you. Whilst I'm still myself."
At the sound, Tal looked up. Luke's voice was so familiar, and yet... something was different about it. For lack of better word, something was so strained about the way that he spoke, as if he were carrying the world upon his shoulders. His eyes, the one recognizable feature that had gone unchanged from the journey between life and death, had lost their warm sparkle. "Yeah...?" the daughter of Hermes asked, hesitance folding itself into the syllable. There were only so many things he could say, and Tal already knew what would follow.
"Sometimes... trying to fix things doesn't work. You know? Sometimes it just damages it even more and it still remains broken."
Of course, she knew what he was referring to - for Zeus' sake, there was no way that she couldn't. She'd mulled this over by herself a thousand times by herself, and she knew that what they shared was irreparable. It could not be sewn or patched, and though they had tried, something had been lost when Luke's life had been. Something small that bound the two together nonetheless. Tal could recall the better days between them as though they were yesterday. The day they met, even - when Tal had scared him and wondered aloud about his parentage, mulling over the possibility of him being an Apollo. "I know," she said simply in reply, and allowed herself to close her eyes for several seconds. Blackness. Was this what it was like as soon as you died? Complete and utter darkness?
"We're not broken. There's nothing wrong with us. But us as individuals... trying to fix it at the moment would just change us as people."
All that he did was rephrase her thoughts and put them more eloquently than Tal ever could. The daughter of Hermes inhaled slowly; oxygen was suddenly something that you had to struggle to reach. It felt as though she would fall any moment, and then she could join him. Oh, she was so close already. A dead girl walking, even. Yes, she was dead inside, and she didn't quite know why that was. "I've... I've been thinking about this... and I thought the same thing." And there it was, all out there on the table; they both had been doubting the situation all along. Why the hell couldn't Tal have just left things where they were, not attempted to contact him? Whatever had happened when he drank from Lethe instead of memory wiping? What had gone wrong? All that Tal had done, in the end, was magnify the suffering that both were experiencing.
His next words paralyzed her tongue. "I can feel my personality fading. Now is not the right time. Soon I won't recognize you and you need to prepare for that. You need to be ready to move on but not forget."
Tal couldn't say that she hadn't been expecting this. She had known to some extent now that there was no way he was coming back to her. That she would wander the world alone. But what would she do when she saw he had forgotten her? She couldn't prepare herself for that. There was no way that she could adequately prepare for that.
Why had she allowed herself to fall in love?
"I will come back someday, that I can promise."
It was, very clearly, an empty promise. They must have both known this, and Tal could have pointed this out, but instead she willed her tears to not roll down her cheeks and spoke quietly. "Alright." She opened her mouth to speak again, though she didn't know what she would have said - but he spoke before she could.
"In with my stuff... I kept a little box. Open it up. You'll find a ring. I want you to have it. I was going to propose to you."
Her heart was unreliable - surely, when she went, it would be her heart; either from breaking into too many pieces or thrumming dangerously fast. Now, it did both. His words rang in her ears, and she knew deep inside her dangerous and patched-up heart that she would remember this moment for gods only knew how long. A ring. He'd wanted to propose to her, once they were old enough. Had he known that they would last? He'd been so... sure. And here they were, dodging their goodbyes even though they knew it was inevitable. This may well have been the last time that they spoke to each other as themselves, as people possessing memories and love and just that tiny shred of hope. "Gods, I love you so much," Tal finally spoke, the words tumbling out of her mouth gracelessly, though she meant them all. "Y-Y'know, I'll always love you..." How true it was, despite the fact that she knew it made her even more hopeless. "...and I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did." The way they did. What, exactly, was that way? Them fighting and leaving without knowing if either would see the other ever again?
"I love you just as much. I will for you too. It's nobody's fault. I guess fate wanted us to stay apart for a while."
They had been so close to conquering Fate, but all along, it had been impossible. The hope that had been wired onto Tal's porcelain frame had been shattered long ago, but she had been foolish enough to trick herself into believing it remained there. She nodded just a little bit numbly, conscious at the feet of truth. "Guess s-so..."
"You'll be okay." When he said that, sometimes he made her believe it - he was the only person who could truly make her believe that the future held something for her that would make things better. Tal nodded once again, as soon as he began speaking once again - "I don't know what else to say."
"Neither do I," Tal spoke quietly, still alternating between looking at Luke and observing the messy floor of the Hermes cabin. In truth, there was so much to say, but she was sure neither of them wanted to say it. After a long pause, she finally said, "I'll miss you... hell, I already miss you. The time I had with you was the best of my life..." This time had been horrible to her, but when she spoke to him, she knew that the wilted flowers would bloom for her once again.
"I miss you too. You made life worth living."
The words themselves made Tal smile, but her mind was full of doubt. Had she really meant that much to him? Though she wasn't sure why, in this moment, Tal was doubting everything they had. There was something just the slightest bit toxic about goodbyes that she didn't want to think about, but which seeped into her every move now. "So did you..." Perhaps he would never know how truthful that was, but she knew and that was all that mattered. She'd go so far as saying that he saved her life.
"Love you." When the daughter of Hermes observed his face again, she saw that his smile was as fake as hers. She'd spent seemingly years faking those smiles, and she could tell when other people did the same.
"Love you too." And when I say this, I really mean it. I don't say 'I love you' because it's the thing to say, but because you saved my life and everything about you makes me want to never let you go, ever. I'll never be nearly as perfect as you. It was such a privilege to love you, is such a privilege to love you. She was too scared to say her running thoughts aloud. They had to sever their connection as much as they could. She knew that, they both knew that. But I love you. And fuck Fate and fuck everyone else, you will come back to me or I will come to you.
"So... this is bye then... for however long?"
The tears betrayed her once again, hot and wet and salty, flowing down her cheeks as uncontrollably as ever. "I guess so." The words sounded so final and absolute.
"I wish I could kiss you..." A short pause. And then... "Bye."
Tal inhaled slowly, willing herself to remain in one piece, but it was harder than ever. She knew that this goodbye was final, that she would never see Luke as the Luke she had known ever again. He wouldn't come back, he couldn't come back, and she was going to be more alone than she ever had been. "Bye..."
At her words, the image of her first love began to fade, perhaps for good, and the daughter of Hermes clung onto every ounce of both her being and his, willing herself to remember. She held enough memories for both of them, and though painful, they were lovely and made her feel just that small bit less alone.
And then he was gone.
THIS IS REALLY BAD OK. I'm sorry guys.
(Note, I have Dami's permission to post this. It's
based off of an icc we had.)
Listening to Don't Let Me Go by Harry Styles.
Closed.
[/center](Note, I have Dami's permission to post this. It's
based off of an icc we had.)
Listening to Don't Let Me Go by Harry Styles.
Closed.